Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Probably evil

Call me evil or call me genius.


I don't care.

I like to think that I'm a genius. Such a head in the clouds thought. A great thought to have for a mother of two, soon to be three, and a wife of ten years to a husband that tries his best to please me......

That last statement. Mmm yeah. Can we just leave that alone for now? Ok. Thank u.

Said husband is currently on punishment for causing me extreme anxiety in my pregnancy and I'm only 17 weeks. I suspect it could get a whole lot worse if he doesn't learn how to deal with me in a proper fashion. I'm wearing a holter monitor people. This is serious stuff.

Punishment around here means you can look, but you can't touch. It's only fair. I don't want to touch him so why should he be allowed to touch me. All of this makes perfect sense. Plus, I'm having to wear this rig. I can't even take a bath today not that it's my day of the week to take a bath but still, it could be.

You see, he has let his brother park his rusted, pedophile looking full size piece of clunker van in our backyard driveway for three years now. I was furious when I came home to see the van parked three years ago but was quietly assured they were rebuilding engine and it would be on it's merry way.

That shit never happened.

Looks like a storm victim van but it's not. That's three years of growth. 3 years of rusting. Hello anxiety! Is it you again?

Here we are today, me 17 weeks pregnant with baby 3 on the way, and a pedophile van in our backyard that I think is actually sprouting trees and assorted poison ivy plants, possibly a few dead cats and birds. Ok. Not possibly. Definitely. I've definitely seen a dead bird and there are always dead cats in abundance in my neighborhood. Not because of me though. I would like to do something to the little suckers because they shit in my flower beds like it's their own personal litter box and they crawl under our house in winter time and stink up the joint. (husband lets this happen...I'm thinking he doesn't like sex at all anymore). I often have fantasies of letting Cosby loose in the neighborhood so he can "chase" and "catch" them all. It's a sport for him. He quite enjoys it really. I pretend like it never happens.

Sorry. I got off subject a little bit but not really. This all ties in together somehow.
The rusty pedophile van? It's gotta go.

It's caused me enough grief! It's tacky, it's white trash on top of white trash, and I'm not white trash. I assure you I'm not. Maybe it kinda sounds like I am but I'm not. I'm real classy with just a dash of white trash but I blame that on my husband who is black by the way, so how did he make me a dash of white trash again? Oh yeah. The van. The pedophile van. White trash.

I work real hard to keep a clean house and I think it's super disrespectful for his brother to park his piece of junk at my house for three years simply because he doesn't have room at his house. Sorry Charlie. Not my problem.

I gave my husband the ultimatum this week. I told him he gets NONE until the van is gone. Naturally, he wants some so he gets on phone with brother real quick. Brother says he will come get it by the end of the week. I hope he does. If he doesn't, I'm calling the salvage yard.

I've had it!

Word to the wise, never play with a pregnant woman. We simply dont play.

Evil or genius? U decide.

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Location:Superman Square,Metropolis,United States

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